The reality of it is that if you want to mentally and emotionally be in a place where you have any say in your relationship, you have to diminish your fear of loss. Having an audience was reward in it of itself for her. The fact is, this whole pattern of people projecting a fantasy version of someone onto the actual person is ludicrous. From the get-go, you chose him… but secretly you hoped and believed that he would change for you. What should I do? She would light up a room and sexuality radiated from her effortlessly.
Most guys would never admit to feeling anything like that. What should I do? Not just in the relationship, but in their own life. It may seem narcissistic, but people do it all the time. His actions mean nothing about you as a person. If I were an insecure jealous boyfriend type, I would have flipped out. I had a girlfriend who was very flirtatious by nature. Then… one… two… three… five years into the relationship… they wonder where all the passion went. Then… one… two… three… five years into the relationship… they wonder where all the passion went. When you can accept him as he is, you start to show him a path towards filling that void. Some people have voids inside them and they forever try to fill them — with having other people desire them, with sex, with power, with money, etc. A lot to think about. I would have looked at her actions as meaning something personal about me, felt bad and then demanded that she not do what made her feel alive because it made me feel bad about myself. I mean, all of his sexual needs are completely met by you, right? Rather than wanting him to change, the better path is to move towards understanding each other better. You might see a bigger picture — a picture of what he really needs. When you can accept him as he is, you start to show him a path towards filling that void. Having an audience was reward in it of itself for her. Why would he be having these sexy, flirtatious conversations with these other women? I give him everything that he needs sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally, but still he flirts with other girls and has sexy conversations with them. You can feel hurt and victimized or you can open your eyes to the bigger picture… and maybe learn something valuable about your guy in the process maybe some need that he still needs met. Some people have voids inside them and they forever try to fill them — with having other people desire them, with sex, with power, with money, etc. Then they shame, punish or guilt their partner into stopping that behavior. Let me shift your attention to the fact that you chose this guy. Understanding each other is the basis of connection.
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