There are questions I want you to ask yourself before you try to bring up the subject with your wife. What can I do? Depending on how she was raised, being gay may not have been an option for her. One of the problems with a very directive approach is that if the side effects are very unpleasant or the treatment does not go as planned the patient can be left feeling that they were poorly advised, or at least unprepared for the consequences. If you are not willing to live with this prospect, then it is time to take action.
She has suffered sexual trauma in the past. Couples therapy is essential if this is the case, and you both must want to reconnect. Many substances kill the sex drive if used excessively. Some people are afraid of sex and intimacy because they have experienced some sexual trauma in the past. You have already waited three years. Is she on any medications? I love her but am torn. I just want her. In order to keep their children in line, they make all kinds of other negative associations with sex. If so, think about what you are modeling for them as far as what kind of mate to look for when they are older. Audio only Text only. She refuses to talk to me about it or give me any reasons. If so, then you need to find out if this is a one-way relationship as it does not look like your wife is reciprocating this love. If this is even remotely true in your case, then I highly recommend you get personal therapy and find out why you allow yourself to be emotionally and physically neglected by your spouse. It sounds to me like the two of you were at least emotionally connected at one time. If your wife was ever a sexual being, then she probably still is. There is the possibility that your wife is unwilling to communicate. I think it's difficult for people nowadays if they're asked which sort of treatment they like because it's quite a responsibility. If this is the case, then you need to find out, and you need to decide on your own whether or not you are willing to live with a spouse that is not interested in having a healthy relationship with you. Does she seem down? Does she use demeaning or abusive language with you? If your wife has been a victim of any kind of sexual trauma, she needs help. And I'm sure I would leave it to the surgeon for what he thought was best if I had choices like that. Basically, in your case, this would mean that your wife, for whatever reason, is done with the marriage, but does not know how to leave it. I get the feeling that you also avoid the subject as long as you can. It is really important for you to evaluate your marriage and your reasons why you are staying in it. For each reason, I am recommending how to proceed.
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